This past week I celebrated the birth of my 2 daughters. My oldest daughter turned 29 and the youngest turned 21. Ironically, they are the same ages that I was when I gave birth to them (had my oldest at 21, and the youngest at 29). That makes this the 50th year of MY LIFE. HOLY FUQ!!! They (we) are getting OLD.
What a true blessing that must BE! But is it though???
The girls spent the weekend celebrating Their Life with their paternal siblings and their maternal grandfather- aka my pops. (I will discuss the irony of their selections at another time.) While they were away, I could not help but get a little ‘meh’ about this point in My Life. Yes, I know that I am far from where I began, and have so many opportunities ahead of me, enabling me to continue climbing higher than I ever imagined. Despite all of that, there will always be that lingering pain of knowing that My Mother is not here by my side to partake in these milestone celebrations. Yes, I know she is ‘here’ in spirit and heartbeat, but the physical absence sometimes overpowers the comfort in knowing otherwise.
While I will never question the motives of life and death, I sometimes cannot help but wonder what My Life could have been like if she was still here. Would my youngest daughter be here? Would my nephew and niece be here? Would my sisters and I be living separate lives in separate states, as we do now? Would we BE daughters who honor, respect and revere their MotherDear- as my cousins did towards my Aunt Louise? Would Elaine Gail Odom Seabrook BE Proud of ME?? These and many more questions float through my head on a daily basis.
During the last 4yrs, I have been constantly reminded of the painful fact that My Own Mother did not have the chance to raise 2 of her 3 daughters. When she passed on, I was 22yrs and my sisters were 12yrs and 6yrs old. So whenever I fuck up in discipline tactics or give shitty advice to the girls- I have to remind mySELF that this is NEW TERRITORY for me! I remember telling my youngest, during one of our many arguments, that she cannot expect me to know how to be a ‘good mother’ all the time, because I did not get to learn from my own mother. So I am left with the burden of teaching while learning what works and what doesn’t work. Trust me, there are more failed lessons than there are successes, however comma we are still here growing and thriving.
So all in all… Despite the pains of missing the Matriarch, BEing able to celebrate the Coming of Age of Our Young Queens does prove that YES WE ARE BLESSED!
#LeoSeason #ElainesLegacy #PurposeAndPotential #NewTerritory #BrandCamille2020AndBEyond
Brand Camille 2020 